Grief: Understanding the Stages, Honoring the Journey, and Finding Your Way Forward

Seems as though this has been a season of loss and grief for me. After the loss of my Dad, my ex-husband, my cousin, and my aunt, I realized that grief definitely shows up different and at any time, most times unexpectantly. Something will happen to me or I need advice and I will immediately think about my Dad and wonder what he would say, I hear his laugh in my head and my heart.

My ex-husband loved to eat, and I realized I stopped making some of our favorite meals because it hurt too much. Sometimes while going grocery shopping I see his favorite lunch meat and I remember how he used to want a couple of slices and I would tell him it's too much salt.

I would run into my cousin at the barbershop, now trips to the barbershop feel heavy, and my mind floods of memories of him.

I miss my phone ringing and the days that I would call my aunt. My phone is so quiet and I miss chatting with her. We missed her favorite desert this Thanksgiving. When I think of her, I think of my other friend who passed away recently, she would check on me.

I grieve my Mom, whose memory is fading and I miss all the conversations we used to have and the advice she would give me.

Grief is something we all encounter, yet nothing truly prepares us for how it feels when it arrives. It doesn’t follow rules. It doesn’t move in straight lines. And it doesn’t look the same for any two people.

Grief can come after the loss of a loved one—but it can also show up after the loss of a relationship, a role, a dream, a season of life, or even the version of ourselves we thought we’d be. It can be quiet or overwhelming, short-lived or lingering. And most of all, it deserves to be acknowledged—not rushed.

This post isn’t about “fixing” grief. It’s about understanding it, honoring it, and learning how to live alongside it with compassion.

What Is Grief, Really?

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s emotional, physical, mental, and even spiritual. It can show up as sadness, anger, exhaustion, numbness, confusion, anxiety, or guilt. Sometimes it looks like tears. Other times, it looks like silence.

Grief isn’t weakness. Grief is love with nowhere to go.

The Stages of Grief (A Guide, Not a Rulebook)

You may have heard of the “stages of grief.” These stages are not a checklist or a timeline—they’re simply common experiences many people move through, often in no particular order.

1. Denial

This is the mind’s way of protecting you when the pain feels too big. You may feel numb, disconnected, or like what happened isn’t real yet.

2. Anger

Anger can be directed at others, at circumstances, at God, or even at yourself. It often masks deeper pain and unmet needs.

3. Bargaining

This stage is filled with “what ifs” and “if onlys.” It’s the attempt to regain control or rewrite the story.

4. Depression

Deep sadness, fatigue, withdrawal, and heaviness can settle in here. This isn’t something to push away—it’s something to be held with care.

5. Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean “being over it.” It means acknowledging reality and learning how to carry the loss while still moving forward.

👉 Important reminder: You may revisit stages more than once. That doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.

How to Deal With Grief (Without Rushing It)

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

There is no “right” way to grieve. Cry if you need to. Sit in silence if that’s what today requires. You don’t need to perform healing for anyone.

2. Name the Loss

Sometimes grief stays heavy because it’s unnamed. Writing it down or saying it aloud can be incredibly grounding: “I am grieving…”

3. Release the Timeline

Healing is not linear, meaning it is does not progress logically, or step by step. You are not behind. Grief unfolds at its own pace.

4. Care for Your Body Gently

Grief is exhausting. Rest when you can. Drink water. Eat nourishing foods. Step outside. Small care matters more than perfect routines.

5. Stay Connected (Even a Little)

You don’t have to explain everything. One safe person, one honest conversation, or even one supportive message can make a difference.

6. Create Space for Meaning

Journaling, prayer, music, movement, or quiet reflection can help you process what words sometimes can’t.

What Grief Teaches Us (When We’re Ready)

In time, grief often softens into something quieter—but meaningful. It can deepen compassion, clarify priorities, and remind us of what truly matters.

You don’t have to “find the lesson” right now. Sometimes surviving is enough.

A Gentle Reflection

Ask yourself:

• What am I grieving right now—openly or quietly?

• What does my grief need from me today?

• Where can I offer myself a little more grace?

  
  

A Soft Affirmation:

I honor my grief without judgment.

I move at my own pace. Healing is unfolding, even when I can’t see it.

Three recommended books on grief that are non-clinical and heart-centered. You don't have to read the whole book, just parts if you want.

Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine

Grief One Day at a Time: 365 Meditations to Help You Heal After Loss

A devotional-style grief book by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

How-I-Can-Reshape-My-Future.pdf

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Carol Boynton, MS, is the heart behind The Boynton Blueprint™—a space for growth, advocacy, and empowered living. She helps caregivers and parents navigate change with confidence, compassion, and clarity.